I’ve always loved summers in Fort Collins, loved seeing great friends, living in the crazy community that only happens at CSU.
When I’m in my right mind, filled with the Spirit, looking beyond the dirty window of my soul, I’m deeply aware of the rich blessing of being on staff, the privilege of interacting with godly friends – some I’ve known for over 25 years. I’m impressed and motivated by the diversity of gift and ability, the potential of this colorful mosaic of God’s family, challenged by the immensity of the Gospel.
However, I hate how I feel today. I began my morning with a giant cup of comparison. “Why didn’t I dream up that great idea? Maybe I need to deepen my understanding on that philosophy, or read that pithy book, or dig into the Word with more diligence, or pray with greater fervency and teach with a more intense passion.” A frenetic feeling wells up from some dark place inside. I start to scramble and claw my way toward, well, an idol.
I stared in the mirror and wondered, “Do I look as old as I am? Should I dress as young as I feel? Maybe I should’ve let my hair grow longer, or get it cut shorter, or change my mascara and buy snappier sandals.” I’ve gone so far as to include little dab of lipstick and a swish of blush as part of my athletic attire. You never know who you’ll run into, right?
And, I find myself worrying…(just like when I was in Junior High), “Does she want to be my friend?”
Quite honestly, I hate this familiar fight. The Jesus part of my soul longs to rejoice with those who rejoice, to weep with those who weep with perfectly pure motives. The Spirit urges me to draw near…lay it all down…talk it all through…search me O God and know my heart…wipe away the hurtful way in me…fill the broken places with truth and grace.
In the now it doesn’t take much for us to get off track…it’s our nature. Romans 8:6 says, “The mind set on the flesh is death” and boy is that ever true. It goes on to say, “The mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” So, Jesus and I are going to have a little chat so I can get back to loving everything about CSU.
(Continued in post #297)